Things I wish I could tell my 13 year old self

Thirteen, I remember the day I turned thirteen. I was bubbling with joy at the idea of not being a kid anymore, the word Teen felt like a medal I had earned after too many years of patience. That moment just before you step into the teen world is when you realize that maybe you are not really ready for it. From that very moment, a confusing ride filled with mistakes and new experiences begin. I am eighteen now and much wiser, hopefully. Only if I could steal Doraemon’s time machine, I would write a huge letter to my thirteen year old self.

To my thirteen year old self,

You are finally a teenager, it feels good right? I know. But the journey from here will not be a very easy one. Each time we receive something, we also pay for it knowingly or unknowingly. Your life will change, it will change drastically and though you’ll have many adventures, you’ll also weep at 3 am when the world doesn’t make sense to you anymore. You’ll scream with joy and then with fear but the world won’t know the difference and this is when you’ll learn to be there for your own self.

This is the year you’ll feel like a woman and you might throw yourself a party for finally achieving this stage in life but two m0nths of stained pants and excruciating pain later, your opinions will change. You’ll blush every time a Whispers advertisement comes on television for you still haven’t understood that being a woman isn’t as easy as calling yourself one. You will hide your face each time a boy cracks a joke on periods but don’t worry, you will learn to laugh on his face. You won’t get embarrassed when you are eighteen and wiser.

This is the year when girls become too conscious of their bodies. You’ll hate your chubby cheeks and that belly which will never see sunlight for crop tops are a complete no no for you. You will love how your boobs will grow but at the same time you’ll frown each time your mother asks you to walk and not run down the stairs. You’ll start applying kohl and nail paint to school even though it’s not allowed and you’ll feel like Blair Waldorf in Gossip Girl. This is also the year you’ll realize how your short hair only looked good when your mother said so and now that you look in the mirror, you feel like Rapunzel in Tangled, only after she chopped off her hair. I just want to tell you that looks are not everything and you look ten times better than you think. Jump in the pool without caring how fat your belly looks, don’t spend time hating yourself instead be proud of who you are and never allow something as silly as someone’s opinion lower your self esteem. Make new friends, go on more trips, study hard but most importantly don’t forget to enjoy every moment of this ride. When you grow up, you won’t remember how beautiful you looked during your school parties or how your clothes were the best. You will remember all those experiences you had and the moments where you laughed till tears rolled down your cheeks.

This is also the year you will fall head over heels in love with the brown eyed guy and I hate to tell you that he will scar your soul in a way that even five years later, it will bring tears in your eyes. You will spend all your time fantasizing about him and the idea of him not loving you will never even occur to you. His name written all over your maths notebooks, his pictures carefully kept between the pages of your favorite novel, his social media account that is checked by you and your friends ten times a day. You will love him so fiercely that when he breaks your heart, a part of you will die. You will spend months crying over him, your belief in fairy tales will vanish and your smile will disappear. I know you don’t believe me now for you are that girl who believes he is the one for you. But I have been there and five years later, this heartbreak still haunts me. I want to tell you to not fall for him but then I would deprive you, my younger self, of her most essential lesson. So, I just want to tell you one thing. You will move on. You will smile again and you will also love again. Yes, you will go through more heartbreaks but you will also grow stronger. So, when love says goodbye, all0w it to leave.

Thirteen is that age when you are going through so much confusion, your mental health gets affected. I hate to tell you that this is the age where you’ll be sad, very sad. You will break and shatter and crumble. You will spend your time faking smiles and hoping for help. Ask for that help. Don’t wait for too long. Your family will support you and I assure you of that for you are no one but me and I have gone through this. Do not hurt your own self or try to hide your pain away. You are just making things harder. This experience will make you strong and prepare you for the future. If you ever feel it is too much and that you can’t handle it, simply remember this. Five years later, you will be sitting in your room at 12 am, sipping sweet tea and writing these w0rds. You will make it and the day you finally smile after months of crying, your siblings and friends will be the happiest for they were the ones who supported you.

You will make many friends but there will be some people who will love you at all times, keep them close. You will make beautiful memories with them and they will stick with you even when you go away to college. I know you are rolling your eyes for isn’t the number of friends that you have at this age that counts? No. It is not. Five years later, you will still be speaking to the two closest friends you made and you won’t even remember the names of the rest of the people. Quality over quantity. Ah! I forgot, I don’t need to tell you this. Mom will give you enough lessons about this, she still gives me.

I know I have scared you but believe me, I just want you to be smarter and protect your self. I am still haunted by all the mistakes I made but I’m also glad for they made me the person I am today. Make mistakes but don’t allow yourself to fall apart. Picking the pieces of your broken soul and trying to glue them together is more difficult than you think.

I think I have given too much advice to you. Laugh and make others laugh. Form friendships, create beautiful memories and love yourself more than any guy. Make your first year of being a teenager, the best one. One last thing. Stop reading in dim light. I am sitting here wearing spectacles for I’m half blind.

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